Mind over Matter
by trufflemores
Summary: Caitlin reflects on becoming Killer Frost, in haikus.


The mirror shows her

Two futures: one where she's good

And one where she's not.

.

Mind over matter:

Never let it close enough

To kill you - or them.

.

The instructions: "Don't

Gaze at blue basilisk eyes;

They won't forgive you.

.

"If your hair turns white

Cut it off. You're Medusa,

Not Samson. Looks kill."

.

"Your heartbeat will slow

To a glacial crawl. Don't let

It give you away.

.

"Those icicles are

Fatal to living creatures.

Touch at your own risk.

.

"They'll say they love you

No matter who you become

They have no idea."

.

"When their breath stops in

Their chests, don't say I didn't

Warn you. We both knew.

.

"(Luxury: item

Of remarkable value.

Example: a hug.)

.

"They make you feel loved.

They don't know you're the worst thing

That happened to them."

.

Caitlin stares at her

Shaking hands. Would they follow

If she ran away?

.

How long would they look

For the Caitlin they once knew

Before they caught on?

.

Cisco's doppel

Was evil; Barry's, harmless.

Hers was a monster.

.

Heroes aren't born with

Ice in their souls. Friends say, "Cold

Hands." She says: "Cold heart."

.

A doctrine presides:

"Speed and cold are opposites."

She's a threat to him.

.

Barry has lightning.

Cisco has waves. They could take

Her down. Break them first.

.

Thermodynamics:

Cold is not injected. Warmth

Is taken away.

.

Take Barry down first.

He's the lesser threat. Cisco

Could shatter her spine.

.

He's smart. Strong enough

To be deadly. He won't go

Down without a fight.

.

On Earth-2, Reverb

And Killer Frost were partners.

On Earth-1, they're friends.

.

Is it easier

With her eyes closed, her last sense

Of self demolished?

.

Would he surrender?

Could she live if his dying

Words were "Caitlin, please"?

.

Blood-soaked suit, crumpled

Knees, would he still entreat her

"Caitlin, don't leave me"?

.

The cuffs chafe her wrists.

She'd take them off if she knew

She couldn't hurt them.

.

 _Poor circulation_ ,

She lies, heart beating faster

Than she thought it could.

.

She tries to avoid

Physical contact with them.

But they still love her.

.

Their love language is

Good morning coffees, random

Bursts of affection.

.

Personal space is

A suggestion, not a rule

Rules can be broken.

.

They're her family.

In family, we share, we

Do not keep secrets.

.

She's lonely and she

Misses them. They'd let her in

If she would let them.

.

STAR Labs doesn't feel

Like home anymore, not since

She froze over.

.

She never planned to

Tell them. Unless she had to,

She'd die with the truth.

.

With heat and without

Remorse, Cisco says, "Tell them.

They deserve to know."

.

Caitlin wants to scream

To rage or balk or bleed out.

Anything but this.

.

Cisco knows; Barry

Shouldn't. Flashpoint altered her

Destiny. He _knew_.

.

Cisco says, "We'll find

A way." Barry says, "Nothing

Is written in stone."

.

She wants to carve it

On his soul and on his skin

"Next time, write with stone."

.

. o .

.

She breaks because

Ice put under pressure is

Tragedy in wait.

.

Barry makes the first

Mistake: he holds his punches.

She doesn't hold hers.

.

The rage is revenge

For the singularity;

Barry never paid.

.

Speedsters are people

With too much power that does

Not belong to them.

.

Caitlin puts him down

Like Achilles, through his leg.

An artery bursts.

.

She's unresponsive,

Grenaded, shell-shocked, white noise

Blocking her senses.

.

(Thermodynamics:

Death is not injected. Life

Is taken away.)

.

Cisco pleads, "Caitlin,"

And it isn't his own life

He's bargaining for.

.

"Caitlin," he repeats,

"Caitlin, please." She looks at him.

Hands up, surrender.

.

Blue eyes soften; ice

Retreats. The world-consuming

Haze disintegrates.

.

She can't touch him; at

Best, her hands would burn his skin.

Cisco hands her cuffs.

.

She can feel the warmth

Return to frigid fingers.

Need crushes defeat.

.

Cisco's hand on her

Shoulder shakes. He doesn't fear,

But trust is too far.

.

Barry looks ghostly

By the time Cisco and she

Haul him to STAR Labs.

.

She feels Frost flare up

Under her ribs. Barry's blood

Stains her fingertips.

.

A war of the worlds

Claims clearheadedness, but not

Her competency.

.

Cisco hangs back, jarred

From his comfort zone. Her

Presence agitates.

.

Even with the cuffs

Her palms are numb. If Barry

Dies, it's on her hands.

.

Barry puts his hand

On her forearm. And he says,

"I'm okay. I promise."

.

The lightning is an

Undercurrent to his words,

Truth from turbulence.

.

They're not even scared

In such close proximity.

They haven't learned fear.

.

They're afraid for her,

But they're not afraid of her.

Fearlessness is trust.

.

She can feel Frost wax

And wane between the calming

Presence of them both.

.

Vibe is singular.

Speedsters are plural. Both are

Irreplaceable.

.

She says, "I'm sorry"

Over and over. They let

Her, but they don't leave.

.

When Barry insists

On standing too soon after

She accepts the hug.

.

Cisco pulls a grunt

From Barry when he joins in;

Bruised wounds forgive.

.

Caitlin thinks, _I can't_

 _Lose you. You're my family._

Cisco says, "We know."

.

"We're gonna get through

This," Barry says. Cisco adds,

"However we can."

.

When Barry's leg loses

Strength, Cisco helps him keep his

Footing. "I've got you."

.

They sit on a bed

Together, still suited up.

Caitlin hesitates.

.

Cisco reaches out,

Takes her sleeve, and pulls her

To his other side.

.

It doesn't matter

That she's cold. Barry runs hot.

Cisco falls between.

.

Equipoise: balance

Achieved between opposing

And equal forces.

.

"We'll be okay. This

Is a setback. We've survived

Worse," Cisco affirms.

.

Caitlin tries to think

Of a worse time, when their bond

Was more tenuous.

.

But she feels the strength

Beside her. She knows that they're

Strong enough for this.

.

She's strong enough. Frost

Is one choice. They're another.

In the end, she stays.


End file.
